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Posts Tagged ‘loved and lost’

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Dear LOST,

I’m still having a hard time comprehending the finality of this all:  it truly is the end.  You’re leaving me…  for good this time.  In past years, it seemed endlessly miserable when you were gone for months on end, but I always had that little shred of hope to hang onto knowing that come January, you’d be back and we would have sixteen to twenty-four blissful weeks together.

I spent time by the pool, and did anything I could to keep myself busy so that I wouldn’t have to be reminded of how long it had been since I’d last seen you.  I even went as far as reading the Twilight books when you were gone last summer, which kept me occupied for five whole days (and slightly nauseated ever since).  Every wait was more arduous than the last, but you never disappointed, returning to me in a blaze of glory with confusing, frustrating, awesome, cliff-hanger-y tales that kept me entertained for months and left me with more questions than answers.

But now what?  Where do I go from here?

Oh sure, I’ll always have the memories, and come August (hint hint), the Blu-Ray collection as well, but my weeks will be incomplete without you.  May sweeps will simply never be the same.  Mangoes and peanut butter have lost their flavor.  Little Korean families make me weepy.  And what kind of lunatic cries when she sees the polar bears at the zoo?  Yeah… this girl does, so thanks for that.

Aww… Invisible peanut butter… *sniff*

I’ve tried to be mad at you… I’ve tried to be bitter.  I even tried scouting out replacement programming to fill the void I knew you’d leave, but nothing has worked.  I’ve concentrated solely on our bad times to try to talk myself out of missing you so much.  Remember that fiasco with Nikki and Paulo?  That was just awful.  And your trip with Jack to Thailand, and those ridiculous tattoos?  I was upset about that for weeks, but I still had faith that you’d prove everyone wrong and come through for me in the end.

Good thing love is blind, or I would have been long gone after this epic fail…

That was always the thing that kept us strong:  faith.  I had so much faith that you’d take me on an adventure, and even through some bumpy seasons, you’ve never let me down.  We’ve had some really good times… And we’ve been through a lot together, including the loss of some really special people.

Boone and Shannon: incestuous as they were, I still miss them.

His priorities may have been a bit off, but Mister Eko didn’t deserve what happened to him.

Alex and Rousseau, the newly reunited family that didn’t even have a chance to get off the ground.

Sun and Jin: Cue "My Heart Will Go On" from the Titanic Soundtrack

And of course, our dearly departed heroic hobbit, Charlie Pace.

I guess I just thought you’d always be there, like The Simpsons, but I was in denial.  Your story is told, and there’s no sense in dragging it out like that last hour of Return of the King… As much as I’d love to see Hurley and Miles jumping up and down on Sawyer’s bed, I know that you’re much too classy to go out like that, which is just one more reason that even though I’m upset at your departure, I love and respect you beyond measure.

I suppose there is some light in the darkness, however; I’ve known for a while now that our time was running out.  It would have been worse if you’d sprung this on me unexpectedly.  Remember the Arrested Development situation?  The end came so suddenly—I didn’t know what had hit me, and it took a long time to recover, so thank you for at least giving me time to grieve and say goodbye and make peace with this loss.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without you, but I guess after Sunday, I will be forced to find out.

Maybe I won’t research spoilers on the internet till the wee hours of the morning…

Maybe I can order normal, cute cupcakes from the bakery down the street for a change (I swear those people think I’m a freak.)…

Maybe I can go one whole day without saying, “What’re ya gonna do, beat me with your Jesus stick?”

Maybe Henry Ian Cusick will sign on with Law and Order: Los Angeles.

Maybe it won’t be so bad… in time.

Sixth series premier party by Just Baked. Hardcore.

...or are you just happy to see me?

Whatever happens, just know that I am forever changed simply by having known you these past six years.  Through laughter, tears, witty retorts, tears, terrifying unknowns, really bad beards, and even more tears, we have come a long way since that bamboo field in The Pilot.  I’ll never forget you, and it won’t be easy, but it’s time to move on.

I’m ready to let go now…

…but not without an emotional goodbye.

Namaste, and all my love,

Me.

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